October 3, 2015

ROXY'S FIRST SICKNESS

If you know me, you know I am all about preserving and recording moments. But I'm unsure why I felt inspired to write a post about this particular milestone--as it is one most would want to quickly move along from.

But I guess it's just another one of those first time mom moments that I just need to get out of my head! Who knows? Let's just see where I'm headed with this...

This week Roxy became sick for the very first time. A stomach bug that's apparently going around. Not a very nice one either. She was throwing up everything. I mean everything. Including all the flavors of Pedialyte.

I fought back tears every day as I watched her little body heave. All I could do was hold her and tell her it was okay.

I was apparently very unprepared when this little bug hit. My house was total chaos.

Each room had piles of soiled clothes. Both mine and hers.

There were blankets and towels and burp rags strewn all over the place. I sort of just grabbed whatever was in close proximity to clean the messes.

I didn't know what to do. Do I call the doctor? Let her play? Let her sleep? She seems better. Okay, maybe she's not better. Yeah, she's definitely NOT better.

I couldn't remember the last time I showered or slept. I struggled to get dinner ready and keep up with my chores.

But honestly, I just didn't care. All I could focus on was getting her hydrated and holding her close to me and making sure she knew mommy would make it better. Everything else was just whatever.
Daddy makes it better too. This was taken after her 6 month shots, but she's put on a similar face all week.

I guess I was so taken off guard because I had unrealistically convinced myself that my perfect baby would never get sick. No way! Not my solid little 8 pounder who's been a champ at every doctor's appointment since birth. I looked at other babies who got sick and thought, oh that's too bad. Poor thing. Not really thinking that would eventually be my child too.

But that's when it hit me. This little sickness would be the first of many for her. She would have to go through more hardships, not just illnesses, and I'd have to watch. I can only comfort her so much, but she is the one that has to go through it.

I think that might be one of the most difficult things about this parenting gig. Having to witness your child experience pain. Especially when it's your baby.. too small to tell you how she feels.. too young to understand why. My mama heart broke as she reached for me with her confused, saddened face.

Cameron and I were talking and he hit the nail on the head. He said he'd rather be sick for two weeks than have her be sick for one day. As much as we knew this had to happen, it was so difficult to have little control over it. I think of all the other moms and dads who have really sick babies. Little ones who are ill for long periods of time. Others who never get better... My heart goes out to them. And I just feel so grateful that my baby's condition wasn't more serious than it was.

I also think about Heavenly Father having to watch His son go through so much suffering beyond anything we can imagine. How hard that must have been. I've been recognizing more and more parallels of what He feels for us as I've become a mother. Of course it's not exactly the same, but I think we receive glimpses all for our preparation and purpose.

Though my own hardships have brought me many tender moments on my knees and molded me for the better, I never thought what a challenge it would be to watch her face it too...

So I guess the purpose of this is to tell you, baby girl, that you will have to experience many more trials after this. And I say that with the heaviest of hearts because I would live them for you in a heartbeat if I could.

Yes, life will be hard. But it will also be beautiful if you let it. The pain will let you see the joy. It will shape you, make you stronger, and show you that there is always an opposite--a light to the darkness. And always know I will be there for you through it all.

Love,
Mommy

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