September 3, 2014

TILL WE MEET AGAIN

Cam and I don't know much about planting flowers, but it was fun trying it out this year with our first yard. My neighbor kindly brought us over some bulbs they weren't using and we decided to plant them and dedicate them to our babies. So we planted four.

I really wish I had a prettier picture of when they were all in bloom, but obviously, it's September and us non-gardening gardeners aren't making much of an effort on our flower garden anymore. What? It's fall now right?

I do, however, have one from today. It's so sad looking because they were all so tall and beautiful. But, we figured, they'll return again. Next year. And the next.

I took one today because September 3rd was our third's estimated due date, and it made me warm inside to see them still as I thought about our angel. This sweet little baby was such a surprise to us. I'll be honest, I was truly afraid. I had just lost my second baby through a horrifyingly painful miscarriage, and I didn't feel ready emotionally to handle another loss. But nothing can overtake that feeling of absolute joy. It was just over a week later, however, when I found out my HCG was dropping and I lost the baby shortly after.

Despite the devastation from this loss, this baby motivated us to see a specialist and get some answers. It was time for us to receive help. Going through testing was very frustrating, long, and of course, disappointing when we experienced our fourth loss. But I am grateful for it. We needed to understand this process better and understand all of our options for a future family. I certainly would have given the world to have my baby live, but I truly feel this little one was guiding us and giving us hope.

Just as I know I'll see our flowers in bloom again, I know I will see this baby. Until then, God be with you my sweet angel.
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